


it never told us where what monsters we are

by TVBS



Series: monsters [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Weird Shit, attempted suicide, compromised minds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVBS/pseuds/TVBS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael stops sleeping.</p><p>Lindsay can't stop sleeping.</p><p>Ray acts strange.</p><p>And Gavin knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it never told us where what monsters we are

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this makes sense to me.
> 
> It's also 2am and I wrote this in less than a day.

Fuck, he was exhausted. Every part of him wanted to lay down, curl up under his desk and fall asleep. That didn’t sound like too bad of an idea, to be honest, Michael thought as his own voice screamed at him through headphones. For the last few nights, he hadn’t gotten any sleep, and darkness was starting to creep in around the edge of his vision.

Lindsay placed a hand on the back of his neck, her warm fingers rousing him out of his dazed state. Michael pulled his headphones off and looked up at her, blinking. Where had she come from? Literally, she had materialized out of nowhere. “Dude. You’re zoning out here.”

”I’m fine,” he told her, echoing what he had said to her that morning. Even though he hadn’t slept all night, he had been fine. And he still was. Lindsay’s hand on his skin made him feel a lot better, reminding him there was always someone at home for him. Always someone there that loved him. “Really.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, her hand lightly massaging his neck. “If you pass out, I’m not hauling your ass home,” she told him mildly.

Michael laughed. “I’m honored you even thought about it,” he shot back, watching her grin in answer to that. “Nah, seriously, I’m fine.” He seriously did, like he had gotten a full night of sleep. Probably just getting that second wind thing. Michael stretched up, meeting her halfway into a kiss. “Get back to your editing hole, Jones.”

Her hand met the back of his head lightly before she walked away, yawning. It had been a pretty long week for everyone, after all, and it didn’t take not sleeping for everyone to look around blearily. Thought now Michael felt energized... amazing what kind of things a simple talk with one’s wife could do.

* * *

If he had to listen to one more person talk about _anything_ , he was going to explode.

This wasn’t a drill. Michael found himself jamming a finger against his temple as Ray went on about something he did not give one fuck about. Bad day, all the way around. His videos had all been corrupted, the Rage Quit he thought he had recorded had, for some reason, failed to take, and on top of that, no one would let him get any goddamn work done before deadlines slapped him in the face. The only good thing so far had been Gavin was in England doing some work with Dan, so there wasn’t his particular brand of trolling roaming around the office. Sure, it had gotten to the point the low level stuff slipped right into the usual flow of the day and only the worst of it was noticed, but everything slipped against Michael’s skin right now, rough and biting. “Ray, I swear, if you don’t shut up, I will end you right here.”

”You have to admit it’d be cool.” Was he really still talking? Okay, he had never had a migraine before, but Michael would put good money on the idea that he had one now. The way his head throbbed and tendrils of darkness edged around his vision told him that maybe it was time to remove himself from this situation before he either puked or went through with his threat. Maybe he could beg off the rest of the day from Geoff.

Probably not, with the amount of work he had to get done by the end of the day.

Michael pushed himself away from his desk suddenly, reaching his limit. He could get the rest of the day done somewhere else. Wherever he could, as long as it helped his headache. Fuck, as long as anything helped his headache. As he leaned forward to stand, he felt gentle fingers against the back of his head, making him pause. He whipped his head around, instantly regretting it as pain lanced through his skull, only to look up at a quiet, intense Ray. The sudden silence pressed against his ears as he looked up at the man, fingers still working against his curls, and wondered what he doing, what he was about to do-

”What’s going on here? Michael, have I been replaced already?”

And just like that, the mock-wounded unexpected British voice broke the moment, clearing Ray’s eyes as he stepped back. The headache flared, rolling Michael’s stomach as he turned to glare at Gavin. What the hell was he doing back so soon? Wasn’t he supposed to be doing some more work in England? Gavin just grinned at him as he pulled himself up on Michael’s desk, heedless of the shadow of pain crossing his face. “I missed you, Michael,” he cooed, grinning oddly.

”The hell are you doing back already?” Michael gritted out, trying not to let Gavin’s voice lance through him too badly. Fuck, he was going to have to throw up soon if this noise kept up.

Gavin looked surprised, his back straightening. “Did you forget? I flew back yesterday. I thought you would have remembered. We were going to go out for bevs after I got back, yeah?” Surprisingly serious, he leaned forward with a frown. “Are you feeling okay?”

”I’m just sunshine and daisies what the hell do you think?” Michael snarled at him. The shock that crossed Gavin’s face caused a thrill to run through him, then freeze as he felt a soft touch trip down his exposed neck. It slowly swept back up, a parody of a calming touch as Gavin’s lips parted. He couldn’t move, couldn’t end this weirdness. The only other one there was Ray, and he-

Broke off his touch with a strange noise as Gavin pushed himself off Michael’s desk. “I- need to talk to Geoff about what I’ve been assigned and- yeah, I’ll talk to you later?” he babbled as he backed away, almost tripping over himself. Michael watched him go, frozen, turning only when he heard Ray backing up as well.

”Yeah, Vav, he- yeah man, I got to go.” Ray didn’t turn around as he backed away, complicated emotions crossing his face. There was something he had to say, Michael knew it as he watched the man leave, but nothing came to mind. Nothing that could push its way through the headache pounding against his skull.

* * *

Nothing worse than having a cold. Add on top of that the time of the year that Austin happened to be cold enough that it iced, and life just because miserable. Michael reflected on this as coughs wracked his body, nearly shaking him off the couch. The bed would be far more comfortable to lay on, and yet the couch was the only place he had been able to rest comfortably. Damn colds and the wonky ways the body reacted to them.

On top of all that, it was a Saturday. He should have been over at Geoff’s or something, drinking it up with everyone. Not curled up watching cartoons while miserably coughing and sneezing over all the dialogue. At least he hadn’t puked, which was a huge plus. If everything he ate stayed in his stomach, this cold would not be as sucktastic as any previous ones.

Speaking of... with his nose as clogged as it was, smelling anything was practically impossible. But he could hear Lindsay puttering in the kitchen and the sound of soup hitting the bowl both made him hungry and nauseous. Fuck, he was hungry, but the way it sloshed just- at least he wasn’t Gavin, who would probably be bent over the trash can at this point. His stomach just kind of... rolled a bit.

”Hey.” Lindsay came out, bowl carefully balanced in her hands. “Sit up. And don’t fall over this time, asshole.”

”It was just that one time,” Michael mumbled as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. Damn thing was messing with him big time. If he could sit upright for long period of time, he would, but doing so caused black to start to crawl across his vision. Not good. Even Lindsay had looked pretty shitty, dark circles starting under exhausted eyes. She passed him the bowl, then rested one hand on the nape of his neck. Fuck, it was hot. And that was both the soup and her hand.

”Got it?” she asked, amusement plain in her voice as he panted a bit, trying to cool the scorching liquid in his mouth before carefully swallowing it. “Let it cool a bit first.” The last words came out rough, and she tried to clear her throat. “Damn. I’m going to lay down. Don’t kill yourself on that soup.”

”Aye-aye.” Michael would have saluted her, but that would have meant he needed to take a hand off the bowl. Lindsay walked off slowly, her steps a little wobbly as she went. He found himself smiling as he leaned back over the soup, the smell of it finally worming its way through the stuffiness of his nose. Even when she felt like shit, she tried to take care of him.

He felt a lot better now, just by having her hand on him. Maybe he could watch something and actually hear it for once.

* * *

”Is Lindsay doing okay?”

Michael looked up at Gavin’s concerned voice. It wasn’t a stupid question, for once. She hadn’t been able to really shake that cold, keeping that pale skin and dull responses. She was exhausted all the time and nauseous a lot, her head hurting and- wait. Wait a goddamn second. No fucking way. She would have told him.

”Yeah,” he finally said. “Just tired.” There was no fucking way she was pregnant. When was the last time she had her period? Damn, he should have known that. Michael rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about it, blinking away dark spots in his vision. It must have been before he started not sleeping. They had sex since he had gotten the weird sleepless nights and headaches, right? He couldn’t remember. Thoughts scattered when Gavin’s hand came down on his shoulder, shaking it slightly. “Gavin, I swear, everything’s fine.”

His mouth opened, then twisted into an odd shape when strong fingers touched the back of Michael’s neck, slowly rubbing in comforting lines. It felt so good, so needed, so weird that Michael twisted back instantly in surprise. “Dude, really?”

Ray took a step back, a half grin breaking the distant look in his eyes. Before he could say even one thing, Gavin’s stumbling steps interrupted them. “Don’t- I mean I-” His eyes were wide, something moving behind them as he backed away. Fingers came up to rub at his mouth as he looked away with a swallow. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

”The hell’s wrong with you, Gavin?” Michael started at the man’s back, leaning back in frustration as he didn’t even make Gavin turn around. “The shit, man?! Seriously, Ray, what the fuck were you thinking?”

”Man, I don’t know.” Ray rubbed the back of his neck, brows furrowing as he thought. “I wasn’t even really aware I was doing that until you called me out on it.”

The words made a chill run down his back as Ray turned around to leave.

* * *

”Lindsay. Hey, Lindsay.” Michael rubbed her back, trying to wake her up. He had been staring at the wall, hoping that sleep would come at any time when he had heard her start to whimper. It was probably just a bad dream, but fuck. He kept at it, speaking her name in a low tone until her eyes snapped open. “Hey.”

She didn’t even wait, but grabbed him close. Michael closed his eyes, holding her tightly with one hand cupping the back of her head. “Fuck. Michael. I-”

”Lindsay, what the hell is wrong?” His hand moved through her hair as his other one rubbed her back. “Is everything okay?”

”Just a stupid dream,” she muttered, running her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck. “It was just a stupid dream that wasn’t real and I don’t even really remember it anyway. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

She hadn’t, but if he told her that again, that wouldn’t end well. “You can tell your dreams to fuck off because I’m here,” he told her seriously, smoothing her hair back. She really was beautiful, even with her tired sunken eyes and corpse pale skin. Michael gave her a little kiss, pressing his forehead against hers. “If you were pregnant,” he started, awkwardly, “you’d tell me, right?”

”First person,” she told him sleepily, fingers brushing his neck.

”You wouldn’t hide it?”

A light snore was his only answer.

* * *

Ray was kissing him.

Ray was kissing him, hand firm against the back of his neck, with Gavin staring at them and-

”Oh my God.”

When Michael broke the kiss to look over at Gavin, the man had a stricken look. “Oh my God,” he repeated, backing away. “God. I- Not again. This is my fault. This is all my fault.” He turned to run away, leaving Michael alone with a strangely silent and still Ray. It wasn’t until Michael pushed him away, hand dropping from the back of his neck that Ray finally came back to himself.

”Hey, what’s- Michael, where are you going?”

He didn’t even pay attention. What the hell did Gavin mean it was his fault? He hadn’t done a damn thing except watch Ray suddenly grab and kiss him right then- Michael followed Gavin grimly, ignoring everyone else. Just catch up with him and- where the hell was he going? Away, as far away from people as he could. “Goddamn it, Gavin, what the shit are you doing?”

Gavin flinched, pausing for a second as ears bent towards them. Watching Gavin get in trouble for a stunt gone wrong was as much a pastime as watch him pull them off. It didn’t last long, and he ran off again, faster. His path bumped him into Lindsay, knocking her into a desk as he escaped. “Goddamn it you little shit. Lindsay, you okay?” When she didn’t answer, he looked over at her sharply. “Lindsay?”

”Hm?” She turned bleary eyes up to him, not quite seeing him. “I-”

Before another word could exit her mouth, she slid to the floor in a dead faint.

* * *

How it ended up like this, Michael couldn’t say. He hadn’t slept in weeks, which should be impossible and yet here he was, perfectly fine and not even a little tired. Lindsay kept sleeping and barely waking up, and Ray was avoiding him. And Gavin-

What the hell did he mean this was all his fault?

And where the hell was he?

His phone buzzed, almost making him ignore it. But out of the thought that maybe it might be Gavin or Lindsay, he checked it. Considering that it actually was Gavin, it was a good thing he did. “Hey ass, where the fuck are you?”

The sound of wind met his words instead of an answer. “Gav. I mean it. Where are you?”

”Do you hate me?”

The small way Gavin asked it made Michael pause. “For what?”

”Being a monster.”

Okay, that make absolutely no sense. “You’re not a monster. Where the hell did you get that idea?”

More wind blew. Where the hell could he be that had so much wind? “Do you know just how bloody cute you are, Michael? During VS when you’re tense about winning, during a Rage Quit when you’re red hot, when you’re in the middle of a sodding stupid bet... you’re like a battery, holding a charge and ready to release it at any moment.” Gavin went silent for a moment, making Michael want to fill it. It had to be filled. It couldn’t be left with its implications.

”Sounds like you’re coming out to me or something,” he said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Which was ridiculous. Gavin was straight.

”I’m sorry I made Ray kiss you when that’s what I wanted to do.” The words came out so quietly around a gust of wind that they were nearly lost. “And I’m sorry for what you’ll have to deal with.”

”Gav? Gavin!” It made no sense. What did Gavin mean, made Ray kiss him? What was he about to do? “Gavin, whatever you’re about to do, don’t, okay?”

”I’ve been this monster before. When the blackness came back, I should have known I would- I can’t trust myself to not do this again. I’m just... glad you weren’t the one affected. I’m sorry, Michael.”

”Gavin!” He didn’t answer, but only the sound of the phone being dropped. “Damn it! Geoff, Gavin’s-! Fuck, he just called and I have no idea where he is and it sounded like he was going to kill himself.” He knew he was babbling, but the words made his gut twist hard to the point he wanted to puke. Dark spots filled his vision as his breath came faster, harder. He could feel someone sitting him down, a hand on the back of his neck, and suddenly the dark spots cleared. He could see, his stomach settled down, and-

And Ray was the one, his face oddly blank.

* * *

A battery.

Michael looked dully down at the hospital bed, the memory bouncing through his head. A monster, he had called himself. A battery, he had called Michael.

And now Gavin was unmoving, lost of all his usual energy. He still breathed without any help, his heart still beat, but there wasn’t anything happening, was there. Michael looked down at the clean swatches of cloth surrounding his throat, not even feeling anything at that anymore. After that blood loss, he should have died. Michael should have been looking at his gravestone or memorial or something dumb shitty thing.

But he couldn’t have that. He didn’t want that. Michael brushed his fingers against Gavin’s neck, sliding down to touch the bit of the nape that was uncovered. Gavin took a deep shuddering breath as dark tendrils reached across his vision, slowly taking his hand away.

Someone touched the back of his neck, the blackness receding from his vision. Michael turned, nodding. “I’m fine.”

A battery, Gavin had called him.

As Lindsay dropped her hand, face gaunt and exhausted, he knew monster would be better suited.


End file.
